The Truth About Search Engine Optimization According to Idiots

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So I’m sitting here, reading through some of the larger social sites like Digg and Mixx, and I’m seeing a surprising amount of blogs and sites popping up today talking about things like “The secret of getting to the top of Google”.  I just want to point out that most of what I’ve read is bullshit.  Plain and simple.  So, what I wanted to do was basically go through these sites, make a list, and give my two cents to the matter at hand in a “Truth or Bullshit” manner and explain why.

1. Ways of getting traffic other than Search engines

Half Bullshit, Half Truth – This article basically goes through, explains some basic techniques of stealing other people’s steam, and then goes on to try and explain what directories are.  For the most part, these methods work, but they are not going to put you at the top of Google.  Instead of going and adding your listing into a directory, go make your own directory.  There is plenty of software out there to do this with little or no licensing fees associated with it.  If you do it right, you can actually create an income by selling placement in these directories.

2. How to Hire a Good SEO Expert

This is extremely important to note (and truthful):

“You don’t find offers of guaranteed placement from most of the reputable firms,” says Brad Fallon. “Almost to affirm it, they’ll say, ‘We can’t guarantee results – and anyone that would is a charlatan.'”

NO ONE CAN GUARANTEE YOU AT THE TOP OF GOOGLE!  But, a friend of a friend told me….  No, you’re not listening now.  You’ve bought into the whole “AdSense will make me 100 Dollars” mentality.  Again, NO ONE CAN GUARANTEE YOU AT THE TOP OF GOOGLE!  There are plenty of techniques that even I employ and show on this blog that used in conjunction with each other on a full moon MIGHT get you to the very top of Google, but that doesn’t mean you have any permanent fixture there.

Think about it.  If you go in, decide nonchalantly “I want to be at the top of Google” like a moron, and start padding the wallet of an SEO company, then you’ve done nothing but waste your money – bottom line.  The BEST thing that you can do for yourself is go write and rewrite your content.  Say it 10,000 different ways on 100 different pages, watch your tracker/stats, and make sure your Robots.txt isn’t blocking anything and you’ve just done 75% of what an SEO company will do.

I can remember thinking to myself, “Why not just hire an SEO company (to do my job for me)”, and I realized after I spoke to them just how much of an idiot I’d really have to be to buy this service just because I was trying to impress my boss.  SEO companies do NOT have any further control over Google than YOU do.  So, what, you’re paying them to make YOU feel better?  Fluff, you pay them for fluff.

3. Damn sure SEO tactics- SEO tips

Absolute Bullshit.  Ok, well, maybe it is true that you need the right keywords, but how the hell are you going to know that they’re working?  Easy and I’ll tell you because this guy obviously doesn’t.  Go use DomainTools and search your site or go use Google Webmaster Tools.  There will be an SEO browser, also better known as a plain text browser, there to show you. 

I digress.  You don’t convert keywords.  Words can have several meanings, but rarely do those words mean anything to anyone else unless millions of dollars worth of advertising and branding has happened to them…like the words Camel, Frosty, or Gateway.

He instructs you to use your company logo….well, I may use my company logo time and time again, but in the end I know that no one gives a damn about my logo, how much time I spent making my logo, or what it means.  No one cares about your “free wallpaper” either.  If they came there to get something for free, after you’ve fulfilled the obligation of “free stuff”, nothing is going to keep them there – including a search engine. 

Translation is a funny thing too.  Babelfish has been out for years and it’s still wrong.  What would make the difference to say that Google has any better technology yet?  Well, I can tell you from being quoted in Portugese that Google isn’t right all the time.  Just because you translate it to another language doesn’t mean that you’re even anywhere near the Google search engine for that language.  Go search your site on something like http://yandex.ru/ and see where you stand.  Much different, isn’t it?  What makes you think that SEO from just translating the site to another language makes any difference?  Again, the majority might just ignorantly brush this off because they think Russians are poor or because they have this inate fear of doing business overseas.  But, it matters, so think outside the box.

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Launch An Internet Marketing Campaign With No Money

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There are plenty of free services on the Internet when trying to advertise your services. Following these few simple steps, you can guarantee that you’ll be listed in the major search engines with little to no money.

  1. Create a sitemap using a sitemap creator and submit it to Bing and Google.  Your best bet is to follow the open-format Sitemaps protocol.  Verify your sites and verify that your sitemaps do not have any warnings (Google is the currently the best way to check this).
  2. Assuming that you’ve already picked a topic or product that you plan on sticking to for a while, begin to write two or three short essays that score at least a 500 word count.  These will be your primary advertising content, so make sure that these essays are not only on your site, but refer to your product or service in the best light.
  3. Start with Google Groups, which is a syndicate for the UseNet.  All that it requires is a simple Google Account.  Find as many related topics to your product or services and distribute the essay that you wrote.  There are thousands of niches on the UseNet, so it’s easy to find a few dozen to inform.
  4. Create a WordPress Blog on either your web site or at WordPress.org and use plugin such as Gregarious or Sociable to distribute your content to Digg, Propeller, StumbleUpon, Mixx, and Del.icio.us as well as your favorite social websites.  These sites can be an excellent way of gauging the quality of your content, product, or service.
  5. If you are confident enough in your company, you should next go and make a press release with the essay that you wrote.  It may take some minor revisions to make your essay look like a press release and follow the correct format, but not long.
  6. Follow this list with 20 free press release points and submit your release to them.  Ideally you want to target sites that will submit your release to places like Google and Yahoo News.
  7. Go search Google, Yahoo, and MSN for your topic and add the term “forum” or “blog” and become a member of that site.  Do not spam these sites as you do not want to associate negativity with your product.

This should be enough to fulfill a day or so and see at least 50+ referring links to your site that can generate plenty of traffic.  Enjoy!

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Where Should SEO Start?

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SEO should start wherever the SEO professional feels that the client needs to improve their image on the Internet.  There are times when you find clients that have had public affairs that they prefer to keep private, but just don’t on the forums and UseNets.  So, in a sense you want to “bury” this negative PR.  Even though it’s totally your risk to discuss further with the client the fine details of a bad day at their office that managed to get into searches somehow, its really not recommended.  If you know about posts like this, research them yourself and come to your own conclusions.  Sometimes, the people on the Internet may keep posts like this alive for any reason, so be prepared to take a working step several times to hide negative PR.

For Google, the only way to get ahead of bad news is to find news is to use similar channels that were used to add the bad news to begin with and put good news in it’s place.  Relevancy is a big part of how Google works, even if you are the only person reading the search.  If an article is relevant, new (or at least new to the URL), and sticks around for a pretty decent amount of time, Google will add it if it can be seen on a public network.

There are bigger problems that you can run into, even in the very beginning.  Google generally doesn’t always work as a magic genie.  You can’t just make Google do exactly what you want if their search engine already has a cache of what you’re trying to optimize.  Even inside Google Webmaster Tools under Overview, you should have a place to show where Googlebot last came to your site.

Usually when you know when Googlebot will come, it makes for better planning.  You can have a serious amount of traffic and Googlebot may not actually rescan your site for another month if Google thinks that statistically you shouldn’t have a good amount of traffic.  This also indicates Google Cache and Site maps.  The good thing also about bad PR is that if you have verified your site, you can remove things from Google’s cache after actually bothering with a removal submission.

Try starting also with maybe doing a Site map.  Later, I’ll do a great article about GSiteCrawler, which is a really easy way of getting a site map created for your website.

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